Jealousy of The Past

A lot of people are trapped by reality. They are jealous of the past without realizing it.

They wish their present circumstances were different: a loved one was still alive, or that there wasn’t a pandemic, and they try to exert force against life itself.

Life pushes back equally as hard, and adds a 5lb weight. Not enough to keep you from having the energy to push, but just enough to keep time moving forward.

There is nothing wrong with being strong willed against life’s circumstances, if we made excuses then nothing would get done. The problem is when we don’t realize there is a way to free ourselves by doing three things:

• Realizing we can make time to give ourselves freedom
• Actually making time for freedom
• Understanding freedom

If you are frustrated that things are different today then they were yesterday, you are jealous of yesterday. You are trapped by time. You are not free because you block the flow of life in the present moment.

If however you take the time to do what I did today, and embrace the past and the present it is very liberating.

My Grandpa passed away several years ago, my Grandma passed last year, my Aunt passed last year as well. Three people no longer around my Thanksgiving table.

If I think about the fact they will not be at the table on Thursday, that is excruciating. If I however block off 3 hours on my Saturday to lay in my bed in quiet and stir up memories and feelings from when they were here, I free myself from causing my own suffering.

I imagine my bed as the guest bed in my grandparents house. I picture my entire family is in the room outside of mine. I add as much detail to make it feel like that moment never ended. Then I’m no longer jealous of the past. Those memories last forever.